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Give Peace A Chance

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It really wasn’t so very long ago that I settled into my night, flipped on my tv and DVR to find the ever-lovely Christie Brinkley crying to Matt Lauer on the Today Show that she just wanted some “peace” in her life after a long and arduous battle with her ex-husband Peter Cooke. During the interview she becomes very emotional and candid as she discusses the stress associated with dealing with a “bona fide malignant or extreme narcissist” and the way he continued to treat her even after they were divorced. Shortly thereafter, it seems Christie was granted the peace she so desired when she and her ex settled their differences the day before they were set to go to trail. Recently, out of respect, I “liked” her Facebook page and I’ll tell you, she certainly does look peaceful now. Man, I wish I could afford her attorney.

I just finished reading a wonderful post written by my friend Pauline Gaines about how her “VIP” narcissist ex-husband made his presence felt over the holiday season. Trying to control her time, putting pressure on his child, creating chaos in an otherwise peaceful day. The article reminded me of my own still-fresh experience with my very own narcissistic ex-husband.

It all started innocently enough with our holiday schedule. He had her for Christmas and New Years this year and to avoid any confusion (because there is always confusion, for him anyway, about why I won’t kiss his ass and do everything he says I should do), I sent him a very short, succinct email outlining dates and times…all aligned to the letter with to our current visitation and driving schedule.

To make an extremely long story short, he wanted to change everything about it. Why should he have to pick her up (we live about 12 miles apart)? Can he pick her up late? Can we meet in a new spot? Can we meet at this time instead of that time? He can skip this night but will keep her for that night…and other bullshit like that. As if I might not have already made plans around the holiday season and schedule and was instead waiting for him to tell me how I was going to live my life…again.

After initially agreeing, I did change my mind…about the meeting location anyway, and was met with “your word is shit.” There and then it finally dawned on me, and I told him as much (and then some), that I was tired of catering to him and reserved the right to change my mind….especially after he changed his visitation schedule and our routine driving habits in the first place.

For the entire holiday week (and I was on vacation for quite some time) we exchanged emails and texts. Him telling me what I was going to do. Me telling him what I was not going to do and so on…and so on…and so on.

I was looking far back in my email this afternoon and realized that our “so on” has been going on for nearly 7 years…and we have only been divorced for 3. Tonight another friend came over, lamenting about her own impending trial in February so she and her soon-to-be-ex can hammer out, among other things, the reasoning behind him wanting their daughter in daycare on Thursdays from 3-5 simply to block my friend from picking her up at 3.

She put her head in her hands and said, “I just want some peace.”

Don’t we all sister…don’t we all.

x-meditate

 

 

 


Filed under: Advice, Divorce, Hope, Optimism Tagged: Christie Brinkley, Divorce, Facebook, Holiday, Matt Lauer, Narcissism, Pauline Gains, Peace, The Perils of Divorced Pauline, The Today Show

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